Reflecting on Your Life

ADHD & Marriage News - June 4, 2020

Quote of the Week

“We have this very rare opportunity to reflect on how we work and work itself and how we define it.”

-Marie Kondo, on staying home in the pandemic

Reflecting on Your Life

A huge upset to your life always provides an opportunity to reflect on whether or not you are living your life the way you wish to.  Whether it’s cancer, a near-death car accident, or living out the COVID-19 crisis, we all have an opportunity to take stock.  Kondo is talking about work…but I would like to talk about relationships.

But how does one take stock?  I suggest you go back to your basic values and ask yourself if you are living your life aligned with those values.  I did this after I had cancer and the answer was ‘no, I was not.’  The question then becomes, “what do I need to do to bring that to a ‘yes’?”  

After lots of reflection I decided that I had wasted too many of my precious days angry, upset and unhappy.  Of course, one can’t just wave a magic wand and have things become happy.  I tried that once and it just didn’t work!  No, you have to chart a course and ask how do I get from here to there?  

Because I think conceptually, I decided that my task was to make each of my own days positive – EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  Notice that this is about me, not my partner.  I’m responsible for making this happen.  My partner will either share a similar vision and work with me, or he won’t.

Some of the things on my list of things to do to make the transition were:

  • Add joyful activities I could do every day or almost every day (start making music again since I missed that; ensure my relationship included joy; spend lots of time with family and friends; find opportunities to smile and laugh; practice gratitude)
  • Do all I needed to do on my side to contribute to a positive relationship (not by shoving things inside, but by focusing with my husband on what was REALLY important to me and letting other things go; continuing my education on what helps me and others; working with my husband to make sure my most important needs were being attended to; letting go of what wasn’t important)
  • Make sure I am doing meaningful work (perhaps volunteer work; helping others; continue my work with couples)

Each of these steps had many sub-steps to follow, which I did.  But the concept was the right one for me.  Make each day positive.  With that attitude, my life was sure to get better…and it did.

Have you assessed your life lately?


Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis.  More information is here.

Monday, June 8, 10:00 - 11:30am EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 9,  7:30 - 9pm EASTERN time

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For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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© 2020 Melissa Orlov