“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it."
- Chinese fortune cookie
Holding a Grudge
I don’t agree with this fortune cookie because it diminishes the emotional pain of being wronged. But I do hate grudges. And I see them all the time.
As I see it, when you are wronged you have a choice to make – to experience your pain and decide what to do with it in a good way, or to hold the pain dear and turn it into a grudge. In the first case in order to ‘let go’ of that pain you must allow it to inhabit you enough so that it can work through you in all of the phases of healing – which might include feeling anger, regret, perhaps bargaining, and depression. But as you allow these feelings to happen, you let the pain ‘flow’ through you to a resolution or acceptance. You might well never ‘forget’ it, but it won’t control your life.
When you ‘continue to remember it’ in the form of a grudge (implied by the fortune) you are doing something else altogether. You are holding that pain inside you, ruminating about the unfairness of it, allowing it to grow and poison you.
Do you hold onto your pain in a way that hurts you more than it hurts others?
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