“One side of co-dependency is that you always put others ahead of yourself. You feel you can't, or that you better not, say no.”
-Darlene Lancer, from the Adult Chair podcast
Putting Others Ahead of Yourself
Does the idea of putting others ahead of yourself sound familiar? How about saying “I should just do X because it’s too much of a hassle to get my partner to do it”?
If so, there’s a word for that – co-dependency. It’s when you don’t support yourself in a way that helps you thrive and, instead, subjugate yourself to the needs of others around you. While it may be expedient at first, over the long-run it can make you feel less than, depressed and invisible.
Parent/child dynamics is one example of co-dependency in ADHD-impacted relationships. One partner under-performs and the other person compensates for that at cost to themselves.
One of the best resources for understanding and getting out of co-dependency is an ‘oldie but goodie,’ Melodie Beatty’s book, Co-Dependent No More. If you think you struggle with these issues, I urge you to read it. It, combined with information about how to manage ADHD issues, will start you on a path to a healthier relationship.
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For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
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Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS October 20, 2021. Registration is now open.