A Question to Ask

ADHD & Marriage News - November 16, 2020

Quote of the Week

“So, what is this important question we continually need to ask? What is it like to have a relationship with me?”

-By John C. Panepinto, PsyD, LPCS, NCC

A Question to Ask

While Panepinto is talking about using this question with ALL of your relationships, it certainly is important within our primary relationship!  People sometimes ask how I know what to say to others.  The answer to that is I try hard to think about what the other person’s experience is – and particularly that experience with me.

So when many years ago when my husband said ‘If you dislike me so much, why are you married to me?’ my first instinct was to deny that I disliked him.  But, instead, I tried to think “WHY would he say that?  What’s his experience?”  It also helps to ask questions and be ready for the answers.  ‘Why are you thinking that?’ or ‘Can you tell me more about that?’ can be very helpful questions.

But if you want to preempt all of that, just ask ‘What is it like to have a relationship with me?’ regularly…then respond compassionately, as needed.  If you’re not intrepid enough to actually ask the question because you fear the answer, then start reflecting on the work you need to do to change that.

What’s it like to be in a relationship with you?


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For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session starts early 2021.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

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