“Psychology is generally focused on how to relieve depression, anger and worry… What makes life worth living is much more than the absence of the negative."
- Martin Seligman, author of Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being (from a NYTimes article)
When couples seek help they are often looking to ‘fix their partner’ and/or get rid of a lot of bad stuff that is going on between them. That’s as it should be – because living with anger, chaos and little trust is no way to be happy.
So, partners work hard, they learn to manage the anger, get the chores done, and be present in conversations, among other things. And all that is wonderful, but it doesn’t get you to where you want to be because it is about absence of negatives. To reach the joyful state, partners need to also include self-care, consciously cultivating their own personal well-being as well as the connections that unite them.
As you are working on your own relationship, make sure that you include time for your own personal growth and happiness – through exercise; meditation; writing; art; self-reflection – whatever brings you inner peace and a strong sense of your own worth. The time you allocate to this is not ‘frivolous.’ Rather, it’s critically important to your success individually and as a couple.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session begins in the fall of 2018.