ADHD & Marriage News - May 14, 2021

Quote of the Week

“Shame is when you start attacking yourself. You're abusing yourself all the time.”

-Darlene Lancer, from the Adult Chair podcast 


Many adults who have ADHD feel deep shame. This is often a result of having grown up with adults and peers whom they cared about telling them that they ought to be able to do better. They've absorbed a story about themselves that they cannot, or that they are unworthy. 

I came across Lancer's description of shame while listening to a podcast and thought that the idea of one abusing oneself when feeling shame was an insightful way to think about how you are hurting yourself when engaging with shame. When you have feelings of shame, you have a robust inner critic sitting on your shoulder saying “you cannot do this! ” or “ you are not worthy!” but those ideas are just ideas. This is a story that you have learned to tell yourself. It is not reflective of reality. 

CBT therapy is one way to address the story of shame. Another is to journal and ask yourself is this story true? Or is it just a story? 

I encourage all with ADHD to question their feelings of shame and push back. You are more worthy than you think. 


Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with me to support you during the COVID-19 crisis: 

Mon, May 17:  12:00pm - 1:00pm EASTERN  CANCELLED
Thurs, May 20:  8:15pm - 9:30pm EASTERN
Wed, May 26:  12:00pm - 1:00pm EASTERN - FINAL OFFICE HOURS UNTIL SEPT.

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session will start Fall 2021

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2021 Melissa Orlov