We Control the Suffering

ADHD & Marriage News - July 29, 2021

Quote of the Week

“I was thinking about what has changed for us - and certainly a lot has changed. I think the fundamentals of 'what are the things that I need to stay in this marriage' have changed for the better. But I was more thinking about - how do I deal with the daily annoyances that in the past really angered me but that aren’t on my top list of things that I am asking for... the lack of follow through with the dishes, the frustration about the laundry, the real differences on how we navigate kids’ bedtimes, etc. Here I started to think about the Buddhist saying, ‘There is always pain, we control the suffering.’ These things still exist. They are still bothersome, but I get to control whether I 'suffer', whether I go into a victim story around them (which I don’t do anymore). To be fair, I did that work of dropping the suffering and victim story while he was working to do the same, so we could reinforce one another’s work, but somehow taking control to change my story and my experience around the pain seemed like an important move (for me).”

-Non-ADHD support group participant talking about one aspect of improving her relationship in a recent support group

We Control the Suffering

This woman’s experience in modifying her internal story to become more empowered didn’t change her partner’s behaviors, though she notes that he was doing that himself.  But it dramatically altered her experience.

I urge you to read what she says again, and ask yourself ‘Do I have a chance to better control my suffering?’


STARTING OCTOBER 20TH - Need help in your ADHD impacted relationship? The ADHD Effect 8-session live Couples' Seminar has helped many, many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. Registration OPEN! Repair your marriage & learn to thrive now!

Read my latest article in Psych Central 7 Practical Tips When You’re Dating Someone Who Has ADHD

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS October 20, 2021. Registration is now open.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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