“Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on what you are thankful for. I am particularly aware of how grateful I am to be working with a community of people impacted by ADHD. There are so many seeking ways to love their partner more fully and working to make their lives better...truly it is a privilege. Thank you!”
- Melissa Orlov
Holidays, particularly if there is family around, can be a stressful time for many couples. The stress often has to do with having more people around, and having a lot more stuff that has to get done as a result. Here are a few simple ideas for lessening the pressure:
• Share the load with many. If you have many people coming to dinner, make it pot luck so you don't get stuck with all the work. If everyone is staying there, and your kitchen is too small, consider purchasing some pre-made ingredients such as Costco mashed potatoes and pies or a smoked turkey (we are doing this on our turkey day!)
• Get outside. Make sure to recharge your batteries at some point during the day with a nice walk or outside activity. It can help you de-stress. Make sure younger kids get outside, too, so that they can burn off some energy.
• Don't pack in too much. Just because your mother used to decorate the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving doesn't mean you have to. Look inside yourself and try to set aside things that you don't genuinely care about for a few days.
• Make sure there are plenty of non-alcoholic options available. The party can still be fun, and things might just be less likely to get out of hand.
• Remember to laugh. No one will remember that the potatoes got burned, but everyone will remember if they laughed and enjoyed themselves. For perspective, there are VERY few true crises around holiday dinners that have to do with the logistics of the dinner itself. They are almost always interpersonal. So laughter goes a long way.
• If you have ADHD...make an extra effort to step up and check in. If you are married to someone with ADHD, make an extra effort to coordinate rather than manage, and maintain flexibility.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.