“You don’t have to understand life. You just have to live it.”
- From the book, The Midnight Library
There are some things about my life, and about my partner’s behavior, that I simply will never fully comprehend. I’m not sure he will, either. As a person who seeks to not only understand, but share that understanding with many thousands of others, this presents a conundrum. Do I continue to try to understand, or do I just accept?
The reality in my own situation is that the chaos created by the contradictions in my life (affairs vs. loving each other; paying attention sometimes but not others; lying vs. truthfulness; joy vs. secrets; completion vs. feelings of emptiness) is not fully distillable. And one of the things that I have to come to terms with is that I will likely never really understand all the chaos. Yes, ADHD and responses to ADHD play a role, for sure. But we are none of us just about the ADHD in our relationships. We are complex, mixed up, happy, fearful, proud, shamed, honest, dishonest. We have histories of complex attachments and abandonments that we bring with us. Love and failure.
I like to joke that I often make a soup that I call ‘meal of the week in review.’ A day in my life is more like ‘all of my life in review.’ What I strive for is to be able to add color and healthiness and great ‘vegetables and meat’ to that soup as I move forward.
You don’t have to understand it all to succeed. But you do need to grab your life with gusto and LIVE IT.
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