Emotional Regulation

ADHD & Marriage News - March 13, 2024

Quote of the Week

“…In this study, partners were randomly assigned to either engage in a task meant to reduce their energy needed for behavioral self-control… adults with ADHD appear to be more susceptible than adults without ADHD to discordant communication and problem solving with their partners during moments when their ability to inhibit aversive communication behavior is weakened. In summary, there is reason to suspect that emotion dysregulation, and lack of psychological resources needed to inhibit emotional reactions, increases risk of relationship problems among individuals with ADHD.”

- Wymbs et al, in a 2021 research study on relationship issues for adults with ADHD

Sometimes research makes me laugh. Anyone who has been in ANY relationship doesn’t need a study to tell them that when you are emotionally and energetically depleted you don’t communicate as well!

And yet, I share this with you because it also provides insight into ways to improve communication. Specifically, depleted ADHD partners communicated worse than non-depleted ADHD partners as well as all non-ADHD partners in this research. If you want to have an important conversation, don’t initiate it during times of emotional or physical depletion.

Makes sense, right? But I’m willing to bet that without realizing it, non-ADHD partners assume that their ADHD partner can tolerate the same levels of depletion as they can. And according to this research, that’s not true. ADHD partners are MORE sensitive to the same amounts of depletion than others. Put in Ned Hallowell language, they already have weak brakes on that race car brain. Depletion may eliminate the brakes all together.

Equipped with this idea, why don’t the two of you spend this week looking for energy patterns in you both. Are you better in the morning or night? After work? Weekends? Before or after eating or exercise? What might you learn?

Could this impact the timing of when you have your next difficult conversation?

STARTING NEXT WEEK:

➤ Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups - The one hour Zoom group is limited to 10 participants - enough people to get a good conversation going, but not so many that you can't speak up. The group itself, or the group leader, picks a topic for the day. It will be recorded for the confidential use of participants in case they have a conflict.

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024. (There will be NO spring seminar in 2024.)

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

New: ADHD & Marriage Professional Training Program - an integrated team of experts dedicated to supporting the needs of couples and adults impacted by ADHD.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

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