Happiness and Love

ADHD & Marriage News - June 11, 2020

Quote of the Week

“One extraordinary 75-year study followed Harvard graduates from 1939 to 1944, into their 90s, looking at all aspects of their health and well-being. The principal investigator, the psychologist George Vaillant, summarized the findings as follows: “Happiness is love. Full stop.” People who have loving relationships with family and friends thrive; those who don’t, don’t.”

-Arthur C. Brooks in the Atlantic Magazine article, The Three Equations for a Happy Life

Happiness and Love

In the pandemic, couples have been moving towards the extremes.  Either they are hunkering down and focusing on ways they can express their love and gratitude, or they are struggling to deal with the problems they may have glossed over in the past, or had been able to ignore because they had other happy outlets that are not available to them at this time.

When I saw this quote, I wondered if it might be able to provide couples a way to cut through the daily stress, arguments and concerns they have now.  Love won’t solve everything (for example, it won’t pay the bills), but remembering to express love can make your days easier.  Here are some simple ways to make your life more love-filled:

  • When confronted with something annoying, ask yourself “how could I be kind?’  Respond with kindness.
  • Tell your partner “I love you” every day.  Set an alarm as a reminder if you need to (and this can come via text, btw, too)
  • Find activities you enjoy together for at least an hour a day.  Watching a favorite series before bed; doing puzzles; cooking; walking…normally I suggest seeking ‘new and challenging’ activities, but ANY positive ‘play together’ time is useful right now.
  • Smile.  Seek laughter.
  • Attend.  One of the nicest things you can do right now is pay positive, open attention to his or her needs.  Even if it’s a quick ‘what can I do to help you for the next 30 minutes’ that’s a big deal.
  • Be curious.  About your partner’s feelings; activities; needs.  Ask questions.  Show you are interested.
  • Say something nice to or about your partner every time you can.  Don’t hold back.  We need appreciation now.

How could you be more loving in your relationship?


Upcoming Events:

June 16, I'm an ADDitude expert guest - Live Webinar on Relationship Rehab for ADHD Couples Challenged by the Pandemic. Free. Register and get free replay.

Registration opens June 12, 3pm eastern - summer non-ADHD support groups

Recorded couples seminar - Work on your relationship anywhere, anytime....and you can ask your questions about seminar material in the office hours below....

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis:

Tuesday, June 16, 9:00 - 10:30am EASTERN time

Wednesday, June 17,  8:15pm to 9:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 23,  3:00 - 5:00 EASTERN time

Thursday, June 25,  7:00pm - 8:30pm EASTERN time

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - 8 consecutive Tuesdays @ 8:30 pm Eastern time, 9/15/20 - 11/3/20.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2020 Melissa Orlov