Starting 2021

ADHD & Marriage News - January 21, 2021

Quote of the Week

“May 2021 be better than 2020!”

-Melissa Orlov

Starting 2021

Perhaps it’s our exhaustion, but I don’t know very many people who have created resolutions for 2021. Or maybe it is that the world seems so out of our control these days.  Which got me thinking (of course!)  What DO I have control over, and how can I make just a little shift in my world for the better?

So, I thought I would share some ideas that you might be able to use, too.

365 days of “I love you” – This is, actually, our resolution for 2021.  It’s both serious, and very silly.  Which makes it a great resolution for this particular time.  We’re having fun with it, too.  This morning George piped up “I love you!” and then laughed and added “You snooze, you lose!”  He beat me to it on day 5 and it was a lovely, funny, affectionate way to start the day.

A place/way to re-energize – If there is one thing we all really, really need this year, it’s resilience and a way to re-energize.  How to get that?  Here are some ideas:

• Create the perfect, inviting place to sleep.  This is ours – we’ve added a Tallalay latex topper to our bed so we can’t wait to get into bed. (If you do this one, make sure to get a Tallalay topper, as Dunlop latex smells like the inside of a truck tire!)

• Develop a ‘takes-me-away’ exercise routine.  George does this, riding his bike about 5 days a week.  It resets his mood, tires him out so he sleeps better, and makes him stronger.  I’ve known a lot of people who chose to run regularly.

• Deep breathing/meditation/yoga routine – some couples do this together first thing in the morning to energize their day

• Mindful gratitude routine – learning to appreciate what you do have can keep you feeling and acting in more positive ways all day long

Separate the person from the opinions/behaviors – Your partner will do some things you don’t like.  You can either decide you don’t like your partner, or you don’t like your partner’s behaviors.  The former leaves you (and your relationship) little room for recovery or growth.  The latter allows you (and your partner) to focus on changing the behavior while appreciating the person.  This is where all relationships grow, advance, and thrive.  Within this distinction between person and behaviors there is room for insight, grace, appreciation and forgiveness.  And, perhaps most important of all, when you don’t like the behaviors, but appreciate the person, the two of you can be on the same team – in the struggle together.

2021 is going to be another tough year. But there are some things, very close to home, where we still have some influence.  Do you have the energy to make a simple pledge to get your year going?


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