“There are two ways to live your life. One, as though nothing is a miracle. The other, as though everything is."
- Albert Einstein
When my husband and I were struggling, NOTHING felt like a miracle. There was little pure joy, and I spent most of my time focused on what wasn’t working, not on what was.
Let me urge you not to follow that same path! You may not be able to get to Einstein’s ‘everything is a miracle’ right away (and ‘faking it’ won’t work!)…but you can set yourself onto the path to do so. How? By creating a balance – first, do the hard work to learn the skills you both need to better integrate ADHD into your lives. This will significantly lessen the pressure on you both. Simultaneously, actively seek gratitude and joy. Research shows that developing a gratitude practice helps rewire your brain for the positive.
To start your gratitude practice, put a journal next to your bed, and spend up to 5 minutes every night reflecting on what you are grateful for. Write down at least three sentences that start with the words “I am grateful for…” Then, schedule into your calendars times to do things that bring you joy. If you can find things you can do as a couple all the better, as it reinforces the positive nature of your bonds. Don’t just give yourselves permission to take the time for joy…REQUIRE it as an integral part of your mutual recovery.
I’m happy to say that my husband and I are in a place where we laugh together and regularly find joy in our lives. I, in particular, live my life very overtly in search of identifying or creating daily gratitude and joy. As you know from my books, this isn’t how it used to be! Take heart, by working hard together you, too, can both find joy and the miracles of every day life.
WA and MD friends, join my in-person March ADHD workshops ... Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live seminar begins in October 2018.