“Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.” - Dorothy Parker
By the time many couples find me they are superb mud slingers. They are angry, frustrated and intent on ‘telling the truth’ about the relationship. Which, inevitably, translates into dumping on their partner.
But this misses one huge point. The more mud you throw, the dirtier your hands will likely get. The non-ADHD partner who screams at an ADHD partner to get his or her attention is seen as being an unreasonable or angry person rather than as just being angry at that moment…and someone to avoid.
I urge partners to ‘contribute your best self’ to the relationship because by doing so they can be viewed by their partner as a person who is worth working things out with. Just as importantly, they will be able to look back on their behavior with pride.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This highly acclaimed, eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.