When we struggle in our relationship it is easy to move to a place where we compartmentalize and withdraw in order to protect ourselves. Holding onto (or losing) feelings of love, rather than giving it away.
I NEVER suggest that people should be stupid about how they give their love. You should not, for example, go back again and again to a person who physically beats you and try to change this experience by offering more love. Run the other way, instead! But the more typical scenario is that partners who have loved well in the past withdraw under the pressure of their current dysfunction. And that withdrawal feeds further isolation and relationship troubles.
It is one of the marvels of love that it grows stronger and makes our lives better when we give it away…over and over again. Giving your love even when you are struggling can make you feel vulnerable. But the risk is worth taking, for only when you give love will your relationship bloom.
How are you giving away your love? And are those around you aware of how you give your gift of love?
Plan now for the new year:
3 support groups start in January for couples, ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Live session starts January 2017 and self-study available for download - This highly acclaimed, eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.
If your relationship is in pretty good shape but you are looking to feel even closer, consider my self-study seminar.