For many years, I have suggested that ADHD partners should stop trying harder and, instead, try differently. Recently one of my seminar participants suggested that it isn't about trying, but rather about doing.
He is right, of course. There is a space between intent and action which is very meaningful in relationships impacted by ADHD. While I stick with ‘Don't try harder, try differently’ because it's memorable, the idea behind the saying is ‘don’t be afraid to try the ADHD way, rather than the non-ADHD way.’ But really, Yoda was right . When it comes to relationships, it’s ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’
To translate intention into action, I recommend that couples set SMART goals. This allows them to objectively measure their actions rather than their intent.
So…step 1 – don’t be afraid to try the ADHD way (whatever that is for you)
Step 2 – set goals that are objectively measurable so over time you can learn what it takes to ‘do’
Are you using SMART, objective goals and learning to do?
In this podcast I talk about: What is ADHD & how is it diagnosed in adults; The surprising ways ADHD affects marriages and relationships; Rebuilding a relationship after ADHD has eroded it. Listen to One Broken Mom Podcast
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.
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