Trying vs. Doing

ADHD & Marriage News - June 1, 2021

Quote of the Week

“Do or do not, there is no try.”


Trying vs. Doing

For many years, I have suggested that ADHD partners should stop trying harder and, instead, try differently. Recently one of my seminar participants suggested that it isn't about trying, but rather about doing. 

He is right, of course. There is a space between intent and action which is very meaningful in relationships impacted by ADHD. While I stick with ‘Don't try harder, try differently’ because it's memorable, the idea behind the saying is ‘don’t be afraid to try the ADHD way, rather than the non-ADHD way.’ But really, Yoda was right . When it comes to relationships, it’s ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ 

To translate intention into action, I recommend that couples set SMART goals. This allows them to objectively measure their actions rather than their intent. 

So…step 1 – don’t be afraid to try the ADHD way (whatever that is for you)

Step 2 – set goals that are objectively measurable so over time you can learn what it takes to  ‘do’

Are you using SMART, objective goals and learning to do? 


In this podcast I talk about: What is ADHD & how is it diagnosed in adults; The surprising ways ADHD affects marriages and relationships; Rebuilding a relationship after ADHD has eroded it. Listen to One Broken Mom Podcast

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. TENTATIVE DATES FOR THE FALL, 2021 SEMINAR HAVE BEEN SET AND REGISTRATION WILL OPEN AUGUST 1.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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© 2021 Melissa Orlov