“Ask yourself is it a tragedy or an inconvenience.”
- Dr. Ellen Langer
It’s hard living with another person, almost by definition. And so, there are lots of things that seem, well, annoying. In ADHD-impacted relationships, the repetitive nature of symptomatic issues…and the hurt that symptoms and responses to symptoms can create – may make living together even harder, moving from annoying to painful.
One way to address this is to focus first on addressing the things that are really, truly important to you. Things that you absolutely, positively must have in order for you to feel you are living a life you want to live. (To not have that would be a tragedy.). For many people the ‘must haves’ include things such as making sure you feel loved and safe, taking care of loved ones, and treating each other with respect.
Once you’ve identified what’s really important, it’s easier to see what’s an inconvenience – perhaps that includes dishes stacked by the sink; getting somewhere on time; differences in opinion about your favorite hobbies; how much time you spend at work.
When you encounter something that is annoying, label it as such and remind yourself that it will pass.
What are your ‘absolutely, positively must haves’? And can they help you learn what you can let go?
NEWS and EVENTS:
REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN - ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE Seminar Starts January 11, 2023 Register Now!
MARK YOUR CALENDAR - The next Non-ADHD Partner support groups will start January 2023. Registration will open November 2. Learn More
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.