“To tolerate something is to regard it inherently as inferior, or at least different and abnormal.”
Tolerating Your Situation
“In our era it is not enough to be tolerant. You tolerate mosquitos in the summer, a rattle in an engine, the gray slush that collects at the crosswalks in the winter. You tolerate what you would rather not have to deal with and wish would go away. It is no honor to be tolerated. Every spiritual tradition says love your neighbor as yourself, not tolerate them.” -Isabel Wilkerson
Sometimes I hear from people that they have grown to tolerate their partner or their relationship and that this is an improvement over where they were before. But as Wilkerson and Morgan point out, tolerating is not enough. There is an inherent imbalance in tolerating your partner that must certainly come through in your interactions and ‘between the lines’ communication and attitudes. A better goal would be to be satisfied or happy, or to learn how to thrive. It should not be to have a relationship that's tolerable. You – and your partner – deserve better. Put another way, how would you feel if your partner simply tolerated you? Would you feel appreciated? Would you feel loved? Would you feel happy?
How would you describe your situation? Is it just tolerable or are you onto the path to something truly better?
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources on ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. TENTATIVE DATES FOR THE FALL SEMINAR HAVE BEEN SET AND REGISTRATION WILL OPEN AUGUST 1.