“Only a mediocre person is always at his best.” - W. Somerset Maugham
If you’re a “type A” person like me, you’re probably used to setting some pretty high standards for yourself and your partner. But what I’ve been learning lately is that this is not always a good thing. First, we shouldn’t be setting standards for our partner – they get to do that! Otherwise we are in the position of ‘judging’ whether they meet our standards – and that’s not conducive to intimacy.
Second, if we think we must always ‘be at our best’ we have only two real options – fail some of the time (and then are you disappointed?!) or lower our standards enough so that we don’t fail…which, as this week’s quote suggests, may lead to mediocrity.
Instead, I suggest we allow that failure is a good thing – it means that we are striving to do better (or at least differently!) Further, forgiving yourself and your partner for failure is an important part of a healthy relationship – particularly when ADHD is in the mix.
Are you able to let go of your own – and your partner’s – failures?
The next live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar starts NEXT WEEK - February 17th! Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at my marriage and ADHD website, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar. This eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and is given by phone, so anyone may participate. The next session begins February 17th.