Two Camps

ADHD & Marriage News - June 4, 2025

Quote of the Week

“I am sometimes frustrated (when I read your tips) because as the ADHDer, your articles...tend to put the ADHD spouse in one camp and the non-ADHD spouse in another camp. My spouse who, in my opinion, has many ADHD tendencies (and would be very resistant to getting tested) ... treats the advice in these articles as if he is ok and doesn’t have to work on anything himself, but I have to work on many things."

- A Reader

I’m always delighted to hear from readers of my weekly tips and get their feedback, and this comment is no different. And the reader is correct. As one way of providing clarity I do tend to ‘label’ behaviors for ‘ADHD partners’ and ‘non-ADHD partners.’ And yet, we all bring a complex set of emotions and behaviors to our relationship.

In the overall, what I TRY to communicate is that BOTH partners always have a role to play in improving their relationship. I exhort individuals to bring their ‘best selves’ to the relationship and make sure that their own behavior is respectful, thoughtful, and caring. I also try to make sure that both partners understand how to align their actions with their deepest values – what I call setting boundaries for one’s own self (as you cannot set boundaries for others).

It always makes me sad to hear one partner thinks they are okay and their partner isn’t. Because the truth as I see it is that you are BOTH okay…and you BOTH have work to do to nurture yourself and your relationship.

Please stop blaming your partner, if you are doing so, and ask yourself what you could be doing better for yourself (your boundaries) and your partner (your appreciation and affection). This sort of honest humility should help you both strengthen your ties.

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - What’s Included:

Live Office Hours weekly: Drop in to ask questions and get guidance from top ADHD experts
Weekly Action Tips: Bite-sized strategies, video coaching, and practical exercises
Coworking Hours: Silent body doubling sessions to boost productivity and tackle low-dopamine tasks
Workshops: Learn new tools and clear action steps tailored to ADHD relationships
Book Club: Fun and informative monthly discussions with ADHD experts and authors
24/7 Community Forum: Stay connected, find accountability, and celebrate wins in this expert-led forum only for i2a members
Unlimited Video Replays: Never miss a session or revisit valuable lessons anytime
An easy-to-use Master Calendar and Membership area describing what’s going on that day, week or month and program links

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next live seminar will begin Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."