What Happens Under Stress

ADHD & Marriage News - October 8, 2025

Quote of the Week

“You need to know that this is what happens to couples under stress. They will turn on each other and they will take things out on each other, because they don’t feel that they can control the bigger picture. This is normal.”

- Esther Perel

There are a lot of stressors in our lives. You know what yours are, so I won’t write a list here. What I want to focus on today is that snapping at your partner under stress is a normal part of relationships. It’s not just about what your partner is doing, or what the political climate is about, or about your job. It is what each of us, as human beings, do – take things out on those we love when we are under stress because we are not in control and they are nearby. (We might also be tired and depressed, too.)

One way to lessen this sort of interaction due to stress, ironically, is to come to terms with the idea that we will never really be in control. A ‘to do’ list that feels under control is unlikely. We can’t control what others do or how they respond to us. We can’t control world events. We can only control ourselves. Over and out.

This idea can be freeing, thus lessening your overall feelings of stress. It helps you focus on that which you can affect and let go of what you can’t. This is one reason why meditation, journaling, gratitude practices, etc can be so helpful. They reinforce perspective about what is good, help lessen stress, and build up our ability to NOT take things out on our partner.

Would reflecting on how you really, truly aren’t in control, plus creating a practice of looking for the positive in your life, improve how you behave towards your partner?

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"Melissa's seminar was like getting introduced to what a bicycle is. i2a is the training wheels I need to stay committed to keep riding and getting better at it." (ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."