Your Values

ADHD & Marriage News - May 20, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Fight for your values…"

- from an article in The Atlantic Magazine

Non-ADHD partners who find themselves in a ‘parenting’ position in the Parent-Child Dynamic are often feeling ‘damned if they do and damned if they don’t’ when it comes to changing that pattern between partners.

If they ‘just stop doing stuff’ then chaos may ensue. If they remind or parent their partner, then they remain in the unsustainable parent role. The only effective response that I have found is to use two combined strategies: work with your partner to ensure that support structures are in place to transition some responsibilities (jointly agreed to); and to assess your own values, determine which are the most important to you, and align your own actions with those values. That usually means assessing not only which values you should fight for (per the quote above) and which areas of conflict you can let go of because they are not integral to your living the life you most wish to live.

What follows after reviewing what you hold most dear is setting yourself up to live to your values (sometimes described as living authentically) and negotiating with your partner about what to hold onto and what to let go of.

This approach often takes a mindset shift. We are used to assessing what we ‘need’ by looking back to the traditions of our family of origin or saying we ‘need’ something to address feelings of anxiety or concern.

We do more work on how to brainstorm about your key values and brainstorm about actions you might take to better align you with those values in our Intent to Action (i2a) program as well as our couples seminar.

I hope you take some time to explore this path if you are concerned about parenting your partner.

Register for Info Session May 21

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from professionals you can trust. Questions?

*** Register for our May 21 Information Session with Melissa and Rachel. Wednesday, May 21st at 8 PM Eastern time. A recording will be shared afterwards if you’re not able to make it.

Struggling to turn your good intentions into lasting action in your ADHD-impacted relationship? You're not alone! Program Director, Rachel Ban, MSW, LICSW, dives into the key role motivation plays in making real, sustainable change in your relationship.

Our i2a program is built to engage YOUR unique motivational style, helping you create healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Get your questions answered and discover how we can help! Register for our May 21 Information Session.

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 11th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

Share