It has been my observation that people with in ADD marriages violate each other’s personal boundaries quite frequently, and in both directions.  This becomes a huge issue for the relationship, as both partners become locked in an unwitting struggle for control, lose respect for each other, and often lose a sense of themselves as unique individuals in a way that diminishes them individually and as a couple.

I have just read a book on the topic of anger and relationships that Dr Hallowell suggested - it's great and would be very, very helpful to any woman who is trying to make sense out of why nothing seems to change in her relationship even though she keeps trying to "fix" it.  (Men would benefit, too, but the book happens to be written with women in mind).  I have been trying to figure out how to communicate how to move from "stuck" to a more fluid place where couples can actually make progress. 

Do you find yourself uptight about whether or not your spouse’s sleeping schedule matches yours?  Does going to bed at night together put you on edge?  Are you unsure how to communicate about how close you want to be (or don’t want to be)?  You may be suffering from an experience similar to the one my husband and I had.