Sometimes it feels like you're in a bind – you want to communicate that something is bothering you, but you're trying hard not to nag or parent your ADHD partner. If you don’t say anything, chances are good that not much will change. But if you suggest something got forgotten again, it sounds like a critique. What do you do?
It has been my observation that people with in ADD marriages violate each other’s personal boundaries quite frequently, and in both directions. This becomes a huge issue for the relationship, as both partners become locked in an unwitting struggle for control, lose respect for each other, and often lose a sense of themselves as unique individuals in a way that diminishes them individually and as a couple.
I often hear the comment that non-ADHD spouses need to lower their expectations in order to be happy in their relationships. I would disagree. I think that all spouses need to improve their expectations. Let me explain my thinking, and how this might work in the real world.