What happens when you are your partner reach an impasse about how to move forward in your relationship? I got email today from a woman who wrote about how she and her husband are ‘stuck.’ She wants to work on repair, while he expects her to ‘act like nothing has happened in the last five years and move on’…including have sex together.
For those of you who now see that ADHD might be hurting your marriage there is a lot of information to digest. So here are six important, easy-to-remember ideas to focus on first so you can start improving your marriage right now.
Recently, a poster in the forum asked the very good question - if you are all so miserable in your marriages, why do you stay? I'll give you my own answer - George and I stayed together because even though we were really miserable, we couldn't believe we couldn't do better. The intractability of the issues we were dealing with didn't make sense. We had chosen each other as partners for good reason...then things fell apart...but couldn't we make them better again?
I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself. Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are. I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you.
I have an old friend who has finally, in his mid-life crisis, decided to determine whether or not he has ADD. He has started to write me about his self-exploration, and the process he is going through is so positive that I would like to share some of the key elements here so that others with ADD can benefit from his learning and, possibly, follow his path. I’ve been getting many questions lately along the lines of “Please, tell me what I can do to keep my life, and marriage from falling apart!” Here are some concrete ideas.
I have read a couple of posts recently that have noted that reading all of the posts in the forum makes people frightened for the future of their relationship with a person with ADD. “Do we have a chance?” these people ask. The answer, unequivocally, is YES! Let me share one of these posts, which I think really clearly states many of the issues in ADD relationships, and then tell you why and how I think this couple can (and will) succeed.
I had a quick lesson yesterday in just how easy it is to fall back into old patterns when you are working to overcome anger and resentment. But my day was also a reminder about what it takes to keep those emotions under control, so I thought I would share it with you.