When I work with couples impacted by ADHD I often see an unintentional bias towards using the label of ADHD as a negative descriptor, rather than as a medical term that enables treatment and describes a particular way of being. This negative labeling - used by both partners - hurts relationships. as it may lead to blaming the ADHD partner for ALL relationships issues, while providing too easy an out for non-ADHD partners who also play a role in relationship issues.
Are you tired of having your partner point to your ADHD as the source of your marital problems? I heard this today from a frustrated ADHD client, and it's a common refrain. Does the label actually matter? Is the ADHD the source of the issues? If you are working with a counselor (like me) who specializes in ADHD, does this put too much emphasis on ADHD? It's a legitimate concern that I would like to discuss here.
When you and your spouse are first exploring whether or not ADHD has been a factor in your marriage it can seem both a relief (finally, a reason that explains so much!) and a bit overwhelming (ADHD seems to be everywhere!) Some with ADHD resist thinking about how much ADHD can impact their relationship because it makes them feel "broken" or lessened. I asked myself the other day - does it matter if you label it ADHD?