All of us have bad days sometimes…even bad months or longer.  I’m having one right now that has to do with my negative feelings about the impact of my husband’s job in our lives.  The problem is, my responses are making things worse.  As always, you can learn from my mistakes - in this case about how NOT to approach your partner.

I was speaking in New York recently and was asked an excellent question by a man who has ADHD.  The gist of it was this:

“My girlfriend sends me emails all the time when I’m at work and then gets angry with me when I don’t respond consistently.  My reaction is to simply tell her ‘I’m distracted – I’ve got ADHD.  I often forget to respond to you.  Get over it!’  What do you think about that response?”  Here’s my answer:

It's important to find time for building stronger connections with your partner, but even with good intentions this is just plain hard to do!  When we are busy we often just respond to what's hot.  It's stressful to feel as if “urgency” is the criteria that runs your life.  And, quite frankly, “urgent” says little about value to you, just timeliness.  The result is that we often leave the less urgent, but more valuable marriage and family parts of our lives behind.  Here are seven very specific tips for reclaiming your marriage and family time in the face of this pressure.