Hello, I'm feeling frustrated and unheard and I just wanted to get this off my chest. I've been engaged to my fiance for almost two years now. I love him to death. He's thoughtful, brings me flowers, calls me beautiful every day, like he checks all the boxes on a 'perfect partner' checklist. Except the ADHD part.
I know it's unfair to call his condition a flaw. It's just how his brain works. But I feel so frustrated that he can rant on and on about something he likes or finds interesting, but if I talk for more than 10 seconds he loses attention. The longest time I talked to him without him interrupting was 1 minute, yet he lost focus 30 seconds in.
I read some other posts on this forum and I'm glad I'm not alone. Does it get better? It feels extremely unfair that I have to 'dumb down' my conversation or keep it short so he stays focused, even when I have a story I want to share or just want to tell him something important and include context. He's unmedicated and stopped getting therapy for his ADHD.
Comments
Not being listened to
I’m sorry you feel unheard in your relationship.
Engagement is a time when the marriage-to-be is shaped. If you feel now that you’re not listened to, I suggest you request this to change before marriage. It clearly isn’t acceptable to you now, and I believe these things seldom improve by themselves with time in an ADHD marriage.
Whether he’s willing or not to pursue optimal treatment, or whether or not he’s capable of listening to you with or without treatment, I’m a firm believer in exploring an issue like this before you’ve invested heavily in the relationship (like with marriage, perhaps children).
If this is an area where massive conflict may arise between you two, you’d also want to know about that before deciding definitely that walking down the aisle with him is a good idea.
Best of luck.