Have tried dating now, because the trauma therapist advises it, however terrifying it is.
Have been for coffee a couple of times with a man who has his life together and seems decent in every way and also quite enthusiastic about me. But he doesn’t seem to connect with me on that gut level. At least not yet.
A good friend's husband has ADHD. He ran into me in the grocery store soon after my divorce, and he conveyed his sympathy in the cheese aisle. I noticed then, how his approach was so similar to my ex’s when emotionally docking in to me. My friend’s husband hardly said anything, or did anything, just paused by me briefly, but still. How does one describe it? Like clarity. Like no effort, no awkwardness. Just the perfect wavelength. The perfect emotional pitch. A rare feeling. It was so comforting. I thought: this is ADHD.
Attraction is hard to come by. I don’t care much for looks or status. I want that connection. Since divorce, I’ve found tops three men remotely attractive, and at least two of them are definitely neurodivergent. What if neurotypical minds just aren’t as attractive? What if I’m just crazy for ADHD men and that’s that?
(Seems too early to start a relationship with someone yet, doesn’t it?)
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Comments
ya know
My best mate’s husband has adhd and I do not know a happier more loving marriage. They’ve been together for 30 years. They run a family business. He does the obsessive craftmanship, she does the books. It’s not the condition, it’s the person with the condition. It totally can work. But if it’s working - those people don’t come here.
Yes
Oh, and that husband of a friend is terrible to live with, which I know of in great detail. No matter. Still, that perfect pitch.
This is still so confusing.
Attraction
I just want to validate this. I have the same experience. I have been happily single for 5 years, but if I do happen to experience a random spark out in the wild (e.g. your grocery store example), there's a high if not 100% probability they're neurodivergent. In fact there's an old friend in my life who I think has some interest (hasn't said anything, but I'm getting vibes) and he has severe ADHD.
I don't know why our energies attract, but they do. For me, I won't put myself through it again though. I can't risk it.
Just to be clear
Just to be clear, there’s nothing romantic going on between my friend’s husband and me, never has, never will. I didn’t perceive him as anything but sympathetic that day. The point was, when almost nothing helped the pain, that ADHD kindness absurdly did.
Melody, thanks for validation. I agree, there’s not much I can afford relationship-wise either.
Men don't choose....
....women do. What I just said is absolutely true.
I find the wording here interesting from my ( guys ) point of view. I'm attracted to lots of women. Lots and lots ! But very few get my attention. Very, very few.
I don't "choose" ..until I'm very sure. Very, very sure! I've only chosen a select handful in my entire lifetime. Less than 5 total.
When I say "choose" it carrys a different meaning. This is way more nuanced than what it looks like on the surface.
Interesting to say the least.
J