Content Warning: Contains reference to suicide.
Hello everyone, I hope y'all having a healthy beautiful life!
I was scrolling through articles until I found this forum, so I really wanted to share my situation.
TLDR:
I've been dating a woman for the past 2 years ( distant relationship , we met couple times where I hosted her and her kid to my summer house) , she was married before to an alcoholic guy, they got divorced 6 months after she gave birth to her kid ( she is 8 years old now the kid).
Since then, I've been so in love with this woman and her kid, even tho one of my dreams was to have a kid, but since she had that operation a year ago, she can't get pregnant anymore. I accepted that and I was encouraging her for it! so since we met, I assembled a special relationship with her kid, she calls me "bonus dad", and we've been so close since.
I'm gonna be honest, I've been the partner, the dad, the support that is available almost 24/7 whenever her or her kid needed me.
Everything sounds right for now :)
But since I met her , shes been dealing with her ex-husband almost every day, being the most irresponsible dad and an asshole, he basically ruined her life, he made it miserable, every time I see her crying or sad or in a bad mood, I know he did / said something.
She keeps saying, she is seeking for the "good" in him for the sake of her kid.
Anyone, every time she would call me to tell me about something, and whenever I would say an opinion , she would go mental with me, get so defensive till a point where she wouldn't wanna talk to me for a week or so, every single time she tells me "you should've me asked or said that thing "this way" " , I try my absolute best to do it , but still , constant yelling , I don't get to speak for 5 seconds with her, and she keeps yelling and shouting on me , as if I was the reason of everything happening to her.
Lately, this ex-husband, got so drunk and called my gf telling her he is about to suicide.
She freaked out and went running to his place.. " for the sake of my kid".. later on she told me about it and I asked "why didn't you contact the experts" , she went crazy on me and she hang up on me... anyway..
I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point, there is no reason to treat people like shit, especially a partner, I'm trying my best to be there for her and her kid, and she makes feel like I'm that second option guy who that she wants to talk to when she needs.
I honestly don't know what to do or what to say, I've been thinking about ending my misery, but I've been feeling so bad about her kid being the victim.
Comments
She needs to see it
To me this sounds like a desperate mother trying to save whatever resources can still be saved for her daughter.
She should perhaps seek professional help for how to deal with the alcoholic and destructive ex? Often I believe in such cases it’s wisest to let them go.
Her best future would probably be to cut him off entirely and marry you. But of course she needs to see that herself. You can offer things, but she has to turn her situation around.
Also, I think you should tell her you feel like this. I think it’s fair you put down some boundaries and not offer her unconditional support. She should treat you well if you treat her well.
Kicking the dog
That's what I call. You're not a dog...abd it's not good treatment either way in respect to you.
Run
Really. That's it. There is never any excuse for someone to take their frustrations with someone else, especially a former partner, out on you.
EAB
The warning flags are waving
I'm sorry. I get how difficult this is. This woman does not sound stable, and it sounds like she is still enmeshed in a toxic relationship with her ex. You will (or already have) become the fall guy in this situation. If she truly didn't like the way things are going, she would do something about it. She is looking for an enabler: you.
Do not set yourself up for a lifetime of misery. As difficult as it might be, you need to realize that her child is not your responsibility. You deserve better. You can find better. Be good to yourself!