Hello, the following situation has befallen a friend of mine. I want to support her in any way I can. Here is what happened:
A man with untreated ADHD (43 years old) left his partner after 24 years because another woman was intensely pursuing him and wanted to have him. Her pursuit went on for eight weeks; she wouldn't give up and was absolutely determined to get him. Suddenly, the man's feelings for his wife vanished, and he left his wife and child for this new woman. The new relationship has now been going on for four months. In 2025, he was very moody and often irritable; he claimed that everything was "too much" for him—that everyday life was exhausting, his wife was exhausting, and that he simply wanted peace and quiet when he was at home. He would ask his wife to create to-do lists for renovating the house, only to turn around and accuse her of stressing him out and creating work for him.
What advice can be offered to my friend? How should she conduct herself?
Thank you very much!
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So sad
If this ADHD had been managed (medication and therapy), perhaps the family needn’t have broken.
Sadly, I have a couple of friends who’ve been left by untreated neurodivergent husbands who’ve felt overwhelmed by family life and sought some new romance to replace it.
In neither of these situations have the wives even considered to plead or advocate for family reunion or ADHD treatment. They’ve felt insulted, angry and sad, but immediately started to successfully rebuild their lives.
Research has shown that children of divorced parents fare a lot better with shared custody and living alternately with both parents. I think prompting that would be the most constructive thing that could be done for the child. Even though the mother might not be happy to not see the child part of the time.
She's free
Though she may not see this for a few years, this could be the best thing that ever happened to her. Living with an underfunctioning partner for that long is rough. Things with an affair partner can look so exciting because it's all the fun and none of the work of the married relationship. It's all dates and kissing and getting to know each other and no dishes or lawn cutting or taking the kids to soccer practice. If he stays with this new woman, he will learn that eventually that she will expect a real partner too eventually. By then, your friend will probably be living her best life.
I don't know how your friend is doing emotionally, but I think she should see a lawyer and make sure she's getting all the $$ support she's owed. He can't just walk away from his family without supporting his child or her if she was a stay at home spouse. When she's ready, she can start rebuilding her life. Therapy might help her grapple with this. If the partner is not making any effort to see his child, therapy may be in order for them too.
I don't know if he ever contacts her, but she may want to get everything in writing (e.g. text) in case she needs it. Or she may just tell him that all communication now goes through her lawyer.
You're such a kind friend.