I got married last year to a lovely man. At the time I knew this man had organizational problems and was a bit scattered but I had no idea to what extent. I have been lurking around the forums and blog all week and I am seeing the same patterns in my relationship that I am reading here. The most glaring issues being chore distribution and his apparent subconsious need to bankrupt us.
I am by no means an accountant, nor am I always responsible and smart when balancing (or not balancing) the checkbook. However, my husband does not seem to possess the ability to learn from his financial mistakes. I am so frustrated and I am at my wits end.
Let me bring you up to speed with our situation:
Because of his youth diagnosed ADD and his obvious adult symptoms and past issues I have tried to keep things very very simple for him. After he screwed up our bank account and nearly caused us to lose our apartment I decided that it would be best if i handle all of the bills and money from now on. Reluctantly I told him i would handle ALL the money and when he needed some he could simply ask me and i would give it to him. This always starts of great for a week and then gradually he starts holding on to more and more money and using my debit cards until we are back in the same situation. Id like to also clarify that he is strictly trying to pay bills and fix things, hes not randomly purchasing big ticket items impulsively.
This past month the situation has gotten very bad with the start of his new job. First his direct deposit got messed up and wasnt deposited. Now, he tells me it was his HR department however from experience I know he probably gave them the wrong account number. So after 3 weeks of back and forth with his job he finally gets 2 paychecks in hand. He takes this to MY bank and deposits it and then we wait for the money to go in. After painful back and forth for over 3 weeks still no money has been deposited, of course this is the banks fault not his. We come to find out that they deposited into his OLD account that he let go negative years ago..so all the money is gone. At this point i start to really lose composure. We are left with one check for 690$ to be deposited..so he takes this to the bank and deposits it. We wait another week and no money!! I take the day off of work and he has made himself physically ill with worry over this and we drive to the bank to find out he accidentally deposited into his fathers account instead of mine.
I get home and check my account online to see that my other bank account is negative 690$. It appears as though his job told him they would initiate an emergency payment to him and he knew we needed it in the other accnt i have setup just for rent. Instead of waiting for the money to go in, then withdrawing in and depositing it into the other account......he writes a personal check (of mine) from my one account to the other. So now i realize all the bills i paid with that 690, i actually paid with nonexistant money. To top that all off, the bank recalled the initial check so all the bill payments bounced (at a 35$ charge per bill). To fix this..obviously..the best idea is to write ANOTHER check from his old negative account to my account he wrote the check from. confusing huh?
Needless to say im now -1k in my bank account and I have no idea what to do. I cant police his actions at work and how much simpler can i make it than forcing him to do direct deposit into my account? But he cant even set up the direct deposit correctly.
Someone please offer some words of wisdom, empathy, help...anything