I am very much struggling with this. I have had dogs for decades. My husband joined the dog love around the time we married 20 years ago. But--and I'm sure ADD/ADHD partners will get this--he never took a proactive approach to dog care; it all fell on me.
I tried (pretty much begged) my husband to take two of our rescued pups to training classes (my husband retired early--very early--while I have continued to work). He didn't. He wouldn't even attempt basic training at home. After all these years, he has no idea what heartworm prevention is, its importance, when to give it to dogs, etc. It's not like I haven't talked with him about this.
He has fed dogs and he has walked them. He has helped pay for medical care. He never took any of our dogs to a nearby (mostly secluded) park by himself--that was probably a good thing in the long run. I never knew if it's because he is lazy or if he just didn't trust himself with the dog in public. I never asked.
We lost our last dog, who was 13, a few months ago. It was a devastating loss. I noted that my husband had no idea anything serious was going on with the dog, although there were (to me) some pretty obvious changes in a short period of time. In fact, he tried to lift the dog from under his stomach (which you shouldn't do anyway) when the dog's belly was clearly distended.
Since the passing of our dog, my husband will not shut up about getting another one. We had registered with a local rescue. But I, a lifelong dog lover, am feeling really really nervous about this. #1--I'm just not emotionally ready. #2--Truth be told, I don't trust my husband at home with a new dog when I'm working . . . not that he is mean to animals (he is not); it's his lack of attention, not thinking, leaving doors open, etc. He has NEVER been proactive about dog care (except for feeding and walking), and I feel like, again, 95%+ of the "work" will be on me.
I just don't feel ready for this and I'm having very unsettled feelings. I'm also feeling resentful (again) that my husband is not an equal partner in any of this, that it's an "I want this, but you take all the responsibility" situation again. At the core of this is that it seems partnerships with unaddressed ADD/ADHD aren't equal partnerships at all.
I have probably answered my own questions/concerns by writing this. I think I will tell him that we need to reconsider in another six months--at minimum. I'm just not ready to take all of this on again at this point, and I know he will not change <---that's the big part.
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