I am very much struggling with this. I have had dogs for decades. My husband joined the dog love around the time we married 20 years ago. But--and I'm sure ADD/ADHD partners will get this--he never took a proactive approach to dog care; it all fell on me.
I tried (pretty much begged) my husband to take two of our rescued pups to training classes (my husband retired early--very early--while I have continued to work). He didn't. He wouldn't even attempt basic training at home. After all these years, he has no idea what heartworm prevention is, its importance, when to give it to dogs, etc. It's not like I haven't talked with him about this.
He has fed dogs and he has walked them. He has helped pay for medical care. He never took any of our dogs to a nearby (mostly secluded) park by himself--that was probably a good thing in the long run. I never knew if it's because he is lazy or if he just didn't trust himself with the dog in public. I never asked.
We lost our last dog, who was 13, a few months ago. It was a devastating loss. I noted that my husband had no idea anything serious was going on with the dog, although there were (to me) some pretty obvious changes in a short period of time. In fact, he tried to lift the dog from under his stomach (which you shouldn't do anyway) when the dog's belly was clearly distended.
Since the passing of our dog, my husband will not shut up about getting another one. We had registered with a local rescue. But I, a lifelong dog lover, am feeling really really nervous about this. #1--I'm just not emotionally ready. #2--Truth be told, I don't trust my husband at home with a new dog when I'm working . . . not that he is mean to animals (he is not); it's his lack of attention, not thinking, leaving doors open, etc. He has NEVER been proactive about dog care (except for feeding and walking), and I feel like, again, 95%+ of the "work" will be on me.
I just don't feel ready for this and I'm having very unsettled feelings. I'm also feeling resentful (again) that my husband is not an equal partner in any of this, that it's an "I want this, but you take all the responsibility" situation again. At the core of this is that it seems partnerships with unaddressed ADD/ADHD aren't equal partnerships at all.
I have probably answered my own questions/concerns by writing this. I think I will tell him that we need to reconsider in another six months--at minimum. I'm just not ready to take all of this on again at this point, and I know he will not change <---that's the big part.
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childlike
it’s like my daughter, bless her, sending me endless photos of puppies. Yes, I love dogs; yes the puppy is cute; but remember we already have a dog and a cat and Mum is the one who buys the food and fills their water bowl and takes them to the vet and trains the dog and walks the dog and picks up her poo and cleans out the cat’s litter tray.
If you have very few dealings with the complex responsibility of owning pets, more pets seems like a great idea.
If you’re the grownup, you know what the reality of it is likely to be. The puppy is cute but the puppy is work - for someone.
Dogs
Dogs are a heavy responsibility. Our ADD household never could care for a dog, or any pet, or anything above bare minimum. I always considered pets a luxury for those who can manage their lives and have some energy left at the end of the day, or when disaster strikes. Or have it in them to nurse a sick pet, or grieve a pet.
I still feel I’m too exhausted for dogs. And they never grow up, do they?
Easy decision
If you're not ready for a new dog and you are the one who is 95+% responsible for a pet, then you are the one who gets to make the decision. Guilt-free. Don't feel worse than you already do following the loss of a pet for one more second. ❤️
Stay strong!
Our dog passed away a year and a half ago, between Thanksgiving and Christmas. My younger three kids have frequently expressed the desire to adopt another dog, but considering two of them have already graduated and are working full-time, and the youngest will graduate next spring, i know full-well who will have 100% of the responsibility of caring for and training another dog. I like dogs, but I prefer cats. It is very easy for me to say no way!
Don't give in unless that furry friend is for YOU. You are sacrificing your time and energy. You will be resentful if you're forced into it by another adult that won't take responsibility for a pet they insisted on having.
EAB
Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, for your comments. They have helped. Much appreciated.