Recent forum posts (all topics)

About two years ago, i started dating a woman who was in the process of getting the diagnose of adhd. The dating process was sometimes difficult because we didn’t see each other that much. She was, most of the time, too busy in her mind and overwhelmed with everything. After a year of dating we got official. We still didn’t see each other that much, but once a week was a big step up. She was still struggling but we had it good together. The last two months were more difficult. She was more agitated and overwhelmed at times. This also got to me.

ADHD is causing physical, mental, emotional, spiritual death.

My husband was diagnosed about 12 yrs ago, at about 41 yrs old. Our marriage was at a total breaking point. He was actually living in our camper at a state park for several weeks and finally decided to go get help and started meds. He was on meds for about 4 yrs but even then, he was on the fast acting Ritalin and mainly took it for work, rarely when he was at home. I talked to him several times about taking it while home and how it helped our communication and relationship and he would agree but it wouldn't last. Then he stopped taking it altogether.

It occurred to me, ever since I've been to this forum its primarily been women talking about their husband's with ADHD. ( it didn't just occur to me but, I'm revisiting that again ).

When I'm taking inventory of all the common issues brought up here, the main one is about the non-ADHD spouse having to do more work with a greater load ( cognitive load ) than their ADHD counter part.

Hi all, I'm hoping that I can release some emotions on here as I'm at my last straw. I (non adhd) am a wife to an adhd spouse, and I am exhausted, I am in burnout and recently started antidepressants and counseling for myself. Something which I never wanted to do but I broke and finally admitted I needed help.

My husband is a good guy but he has the hyper side of ADHD, and it is exhausting, I feel like I married a toddler. 

I'm pretty clear on the challenge I face with my SO. I'm also getting through the grieving process. All that's left is to make the decision and choose the red pill or the blue pill. Almost done with the book... which  makes me realize there's only so many things I can do alone without both of us participating.

My biggest fear, based on my own insecure attachment is, can I do what I need to and become comfortably secure with what "I" have to deal with....that's me of course. 

A liberating thought today. Many of my worst fears have already happened.

The marriage has gone down an abyss of dishonesty and pain. Children are absent half the time. They might not like me with time, they will grow up with ambivalence about my love for them. I've lost most old friends, relatives. Hopes and dreams.

Went for a Sunday walk alone. Lovely Autumn day. Many people outside with friendly faces. Everyone says hello. Little kids playing.

Discover I'm happy to be alive, happy to be divorced. Those worst fears have all played out and I'm still happy today.

This forum seems pretty dead, but I need to vent. Yesterday, my ADHD wife, was saying how we needed groceries but she didn't want to deal with Walmart, so I suggested doing pickup instead. She handled the order and checked things off our shared electronic grocery list (Google Keep is amazing). The trouble started when she got home. She wanted help unloading and pointed out things to put away in the freezer. I handled all that and saw a couple bags of dried goods in the trunk and put that away too.

Is this healthy for our relationship or hurting it?

After everything I've learned so far including reading from the book, I've been trying to imploy aa many tools as possible when communicating with my SO. That includes, not invalidating things she says especially things she believes.  I'm going in with an open mindset even if I don't personally agree with everything she believes, and responding to her accordingly trying not to say things like "I don't believe it" or "that's not true".