Recent forum posts (all topics)

Not sure where to start - I will have been married for 24 years this year and feel like my eyes have been opened and that my marriage has been a lie, nothing. I have poured everything I can into this and have nothing left - I am crushed and exhausted. 2 weeks ago he came home and said I think I have ADD - and after looking at the signs and googling he seems to tick virtually every box - I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world.

In learning how to do my job and becoming a goldsmith and diamond setter....I was fortunate to have a real Master of the craft as my instructor and teacher.  This gentleman who taught me  had already retired (70's at the time) and was bored and wanted to return to what he did best which was being a Master Craftsman in the field. He was born and raised in France and later in Morocco Northern Africa.  His real name was Francois Pickman (deceased) but translated...

Delphine & J,

I'm going t work on remaining silent fr a while when we are together and see f this helps. I feel my wife is full of anxiety and frustration  and her emotions are at a peak. I see now that when this happens escalation is extremely high. Thus, the walking on eggshells, this is my warning to remain still and silent. 

J- when you're feeling emotional and near anger, can you talk it down or do you need an outlet to let it out? 

I am currently reading Melissa Orlov's book and it is scary how everything matches my marital life.  I am finally understanding what my wife has been going through and it hurts me.  I don't realize what my actions are doing to her.  The book  is like a slap in the face.  I have tried to share this with my wife and tell her that she has not been dealing with me the right way.  The blaming and parent child relationship.  She did not deal with this well and still argues that I need to change.  I do, but I feel she is making it more difficult with her responses.

"Ghosting" is a term that means ending contact or shutting down communication. It is happening to one of our newer forum visitors, from his spouse. I think he has received some useful information about how and why the ghosting started but very little about ending the ghosting or about how to decide whether being in a relationship with someone who won't talk to him is sustainable. Any tips?

So my wife and I are constantly fighting for numerous reasons. But we called a truce and started over last week. I've been taking meds again too  

Today she says "when you win a free doughnut you can't get a coffee. " (local coffee shop contest you can win a free doughnut)

I never go to this coffee shop so my question was: "that doesn't make sense, I don't get it. Are you saying you can't buy a coffee in conjunction with winning a doughnut? Or what? Explain. 

 

She responds "ya you can't get a coffee"

I found my ex has ADHD (he's 34) 5 months into our relationship. He never told me. He only mentioned sometimes that he's bad a organizing and scheduling. I found out when I saw Ritalin on his desk and asked him what it is. He told me it's to help him with organization skills. I went home later that night and googled Ritalin myself. So ADHD came up. But I didn't think it was a big deal. Now finding this site makes me realize ADHD stretches far beyond work ability. I'm now officially done with this guy after a year of physical and verbal abuse.

I'm going to throw out a bunch of questions I've been having about situations that come up over and over again with other couples.

I would love answers from both ADHD and non-ADHD spouses.

There are clear times when my ADHD spouse says something that didn't happen the way he says. I know this is common with couples. He acknowledges this sometimes and welcomes me to correct him. But then there are times he is not okay with it and gets flooded/overwhelmed because he really remembers it differently and wants to disagree with me. For example, I could say

I have a thought that expectations of the benefits of ADHD medication may be too high.  Maybe not so much for the non-ADHD spouse, but for the person with a later-in-life diagnosis of ADHD.  

A person with near-sightedness can wear a pair of glasses or contacts to 'improve' their vision.  At days end, they remove the glasses or contacts, and obviously those things did not 'fix' their vision.

I think if we had a clear list of specifically what the medication will do, than it may be easier to understand if the the medication is beneficial or not.

Just wondering,