Recent forum posts (all topics)

So my H is not medicated. He hasn't been for his whole life. We are newlyweds who live in Japan. I am aware that things like Ritalin are actually illegal here... not even sure what medicine IS available. (Japan is a culture that loves to hide their head in the sand, refusing to admit there is a problem, so he hasn't been to see a doctor about his ADHD since his initial diagnosis at about 7 or so. )

I wanted to make a post around things that I have come to understand from the learning process I have gone through too date. This is more of just a summary and conclusions I have arrived to in my own thinking and applying them to my own experience. I thought about posting this in the section for couple seminar participants (as my wife and I am just coming to the end of) since I am applying a lot of the things that Melissa has provided there in the out line of the course itself.

For most of our marriage, H was the primary breadwinner.  He had a very good job, and I stayed home raising our children (I worked full time during the first 5 years of marriage, until first child was born).  Once the kids were raised, H began hinting that I should work.  And, whenever he was mad at me for some minor or NOTHING reason, he'd yell at me to get a job.

My husband and I started counseling toward the end of 2015 and things were going ok.  We discovered his issues with anger management likely come from ADHD, especially b/c our son was just diagnosed.  I've endured years of his outbursts and walking on eggshells.  My husband does have insight and understands his flare ups hurt my feelings.  But, unfortunately, insight doesn't always prevent it from happening.  The other night, he began yelling at me because I cleaned up his desk and he said I moved some papers around.

Hi,

How long did you know/date your ADHD spouse before marrying?  

 

And what red flags were present during the dating years?  

unemployment?  

underemployment?

unable to keep a job?

anger?

instability?

 losing things?

immaturity?

relationship issues with others?

bad with money?

disorganized?  messy?

other red flags?

 

I stumbled across a blog. today of a young lady who has in her words, "full blown" adhd. As I read what she had written I knew right away about her struggles...What she say's is real, and it's the hope I've held onto for 8 years.  If My wife could have said these things to me in the beginning, I think our lives would have been so much better. If she could speak openly and peacefully now (without the chip, and anger) it would change our lives. Maybe some day she will, I still have hope! And if I could thank this Young lady for encouraging me in my hope, I would love to....

Married who I thought would be the love of my life back in 2013... And recently just finding out (his mom finally told me last Dec 26th 2015) he has ADD, my world crashed...

I've just recently started reading some of these posts of about being married to someone with ADHD and the struggles others are experiencing.  So many stories hit close to home for me and I feel better knowing that it's not just me and that I'm not crazy.  But, I'm worried about remaining strong for my kids, and my husband, when 40% of my household has ADHD.