Recent forum posts (all topics)

I could really use some advice or encouragement here. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD about 5 months ago and am still just learning the impact it has and continues to have of me and my relationship with my wife. A the same time, my wife is also going through her own battles with grief (lost her brother) and chronic illness (resurgence of Lyme) that is physical exhausting and in addition to her ongoing depression and anxiety. This is creating a Catch 22 situation in which we are really not supporting each other because we both need support ourselves! As a result, we both don't feel supported by the other and that is taking a huge toll on our relationship.

SO hates dishes but doesn't feel confident enough about any other household task to take it on without asking me to do it for him or expecting me to stand right over him and issue instructions every five seconds. (Not quite true . . . he "does the laundry," i.e., he starts a load of laundry, plays computer games for 2 hours, finishes the load, sets the laundry basket near the computer for another 2 hours, half-heartedly folds a few items from the basket, forgets it's clean, throws a few dirty things on top, and puts the whole thing back in the washer. Multiple times a week.

This is my first post but I'm finally ready to talk, now that my marriage may be over. Together 18 years, married 16, two amazing children. Husband diagnosed 2 years ago with ADHD and taking Adderall and an ssri, although he was diagnosed when he was young but his mother was afraid the meds would stunt his growth so it was swept under the rug. Ironically she is obviously suffering from ADHD as well but would never accept that and I would never suggest it although I love her dearly. I am not allowed to tell a soul about my husband's condition and I often feel so alone and trapped. 

Okay, this is on my mind a lot lately--what is the difference between accepting who DH is and just giving in/up??  I suspect it's more in the spirit of the thing than the actual way it plays out, but please offer some thoughts.  Here is what I think about: if DH rarely pays attention or remembers things I tell him, why bother to tell him?  I set up a Google family calendar--DH and I are on it plus both boys.  I put EVERYTHING on it--I mean EVERYTHING.  He does not check it regularly and has never put anything on it.

I'm new here and hoping for some insight. My husband I have been married for almost 13 years and have 3 kids (9, 6 and almost 3). He has ADHD. I'm guessing he's had it a loooong time but was able to cope until life got busier with multiple kids and the stress of work. He went on medication (Adderal) a few months ago. We've seen a big change in his focus for sure. He's very bright and has always thrived at work. He's always held down a steady job and our finances are good because I'm in charge of them-if he's in charge, we have issue (overspending, forgetting to pay bills).

There are some dynamics/behaviors/things in my relationship I want to change.  Yep, I do.  Change can only be accomplished if a person wants to change.  

I learned a long hard lesson that took many years to get firmly embedded in my life.  .  I spent years changing to please my spouse, and anyone/everyone else.  I wanted to be likeable - actually, I wanted EVERYONE to like me.  I thought my world would come to an end if someone did not like me.  How did I develop that 'ideal''?  Oh, I guess it had to do with my family dynamics and how I became a people pleaser. 

I read through this forum when I was engaged (note previous tense) to a man with ADHD.  I noticed that many people posting on this forum were considering leaving their spouse.  I was considering the same.  As with most relationships, we had our adventurous moments (probably because of the ADHD) and terrible moments where angry outbursts were more hurtful than I could have ever imagined.  Letting go of a relationship soured by ADHD was the best decision that I have ever made (and will never regret).  I could relate to nearly every post on this forum.

Wow!   I just Googled "emotional manipulation".  LOTS to find about this.  

Other than also having ADD, this is what my H is:  An emotional manipulator. 

ADHD is a real asshole.

So once again the illogical nature of the ADHD brain shows itself.  My 17 YO old son is in a weekend waterpolo tournament at a high school about 45 minutes away in no traffic.  Last night DH drove out to the tourney at 5pm (cannot imagine what the traffic was like) even though our son was not playing in the games last night, which we knew ahead of time, Dear Son just has to be there to support his team. The tourney continues today and today our son will play in a few of the games through out the day.