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Hello to all again - splitting off a sub-topic from my first attempt at posting here (which seems to have a ton of new replies since I last checked)...

I find myself stuck in a very deep rut for the last 2-3 years when it comes to saying things to my partner when she's upset, or to keep her from getting upset in the first place. "Second-guessing" was listed as a hurtful pattern in an ADHD marriage, but in my case it goes the other way. Her anger and her instantaneous blow-ups have things stuck in neutral.

My husband dropped another bomb on me (by now I should be used to it). I wanted to discuss going to an ADHD specialist or a psychiatrist who can help us with his ADHD (I don't think he has ADHD). He straight up told me that I am prohibited to discuss anything about his medications and medical history or anything related with anyone, even his doctor as he has removed me as his contact and it would be a HIPAA violation and I will end up in prison. Can I really not even discuss what his medication abuse is doing to us and all the side effects?

Hello,

6 years ago, when my frustrations reached a boiling point in our marraige, I urged us to start seeing a therapist. The issues, for me, were related to distraction, avoidance, inconsistency, reactivity, unreliability... in retrospect what I know know is the spectrum of ADHD behaviors. I wasn't fully aware of ADHD at the time but I brought it up in therapy but it was shot down by the MC and my H. The MC wanted to help us communicate better. My H said that he didn't want to be labeled and wanted me to take more blame for our problems. Yes, in retrospect, I was very, very angry.

My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was a child. We have been married for 8 years and have two young children. He has tried medication and counseling, but never stuck with anything. Except going out to smoke pot 4 nights a week, because it "helps him".

I have tolerated a lot over the years. Lying, excessive spending, he never takes responsibility and if I try to discuss any issues we have, I am a bully or making a big deal out of nothing.

I thought I was at the end of my rope any times, but now I may really have to leave.

My ADHD husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away three weeks ago at the age of 57.  There will forever be unresolved issues that I will have to find a way to let go of now.  So many things I don't understand about all of his negative behaviors and actions. 

Ive seen many comments from spouses & I understand your frustration. But it seems as though some of you think we do things on purpose. I can only speak for myself but I can tell you that being the one living with & having many issues is no picnic. I have ADD, OCD,intermittent explosive disorder & I suffer from anxiety as well as some other issues. I was not diagnosed until I was in my 30s. I had a very hard time staying awake in school much less focusing. Everything just got worse the older I got. I have many trust issues as well.

This is a text my wife recieved from her brother telling her that was not going to be joining us for Thanksgiving and gives a brief explanation as to why?  Before I continue with saying anything else...I wanted to put up the text so everyone can read it themselves to get you own first impressions.  Here it is in it's entirety...

"I'm Not Coming."

"I'm Not feeling well."

"XXXX, I'm so sorry, I'm just going to sit here on the couch for a few days ..Okay?

I recently learned about a "neuro-pschologist" in our hometown and asked H if he wanted to see him.  H agreed.  When making the first appt (which will be next week), the office recommended that H see a psychiatrist first to get his meds under control.  Today H saw the psychiatrist.  Yay.   The last time H saw a psychiatrist was when he was in rehab, and H was very dishonest at that time.