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Hello;

My ex fiance was diagnosed adhd 2 years ago.  At the time he also thought he had bipolar which goes back years.  We broke up January 2025 due to his mental health and his house which is a disaster.  We did not live together but had planned on getting married and he would "get his house in order" and after the wedding live at my house.

We are an ADHD/non-ADHD couple and we are looking for therapy/counseling in 
Vancouver, BC, Canada that is in alignment with what you have written in your 
two books for couples. Do you have any recommendations for us?

I don't want to invalidate anyone's experiences but I'm hearing mostly horrible things about people with ADHD. I have a milder form but it's definitely gotten worse as I've aged. I got diagnosed last year after being married for 30 years. I have received nothing but grief and anger from my spouse all these years and couldn't understand why. And even without a diagnosis, I have been listening to  what he says he needs  and changing it if possible. I've spent 30 years confused at the anger. And 30 years of doing everything possible to become a better person.

At my last visit, my therapist said that he believes I am suffering from Cassandra Syndrome. I had never heard that term before, but when we discussed it and I later did some reading on it, I do believe he is right. I won't try to explain it here as I know I won't do it justice. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or been diagnosed with it? I am having a hard time finding any books specifically on it, only a few articles that all kind of say the same thing. I have not found any information other than "do self-care" as to how to work on it, which is frustrating.

My wife and I have recognized that we are trying to survive each other. I've been trying to survive her ADHDness and slightly abusive behavior, while she's been trying to survive me trying to get some control (from her viewpoint. ADHD in mind it's a fair perception).

I’ve been deep in sorrow briefly over the lost relationship. 

It happens when things have been intense at work and socially, leaving little breathing space. I crash at home one night and grief immerses me. There are terrible dreams, and it’s almost too much to bear.

I'm just wondering if there's anyone here that has some ways to cope/deal when the loneliness really hits in. This is no way to live, I know this but today was just really tough. 5 min of conversation was all I got. The entire day. And he decided that because he was tired and worked a full day (I too have a full time job and can't understand why I feel like I don't deserve rest too) that he went to bed at 6.30 and im left on my own for another day in a row. 

I'm struggling today, I'm.back to waking up at 5am or 5.30 with the voice in my head that is really just the hard, hard truths that are so painful to say outloud. 

My husband has ADHD. He’s was given medication but never taught any tools on how to function and talk with people. Why does this seem like the general consensus. It seems like ADHD has become a cop out to be insensitive and unaccountable. I’m so sick of reading forums and books and going to therapy on how to deal with my husband when he does nothing to learn how to be a good husband to me. It’s hard enough having to have to feel alone or be in a battle to try and make them understand.