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*Update:  He didn't end up taking the kids to the hospital to meet the cousins.  I don't know why because we had a discussion earlier in the day in which we kind of went round and round.  I kept calm, but emphatic and he knew I was very distressed by the whole thing.  He didn't agree with me or tell me, or even the kids, that it was off, but he ultimately didn't go at all, either.  He had to go out of town for a couple days, but we will be having a talk when he gets back.  I won't make him choose between me and them, but I will not accept him pressuring me about this ever again.  Hard, non-

We separated. I've mentioned here before that 5 years ago, I stopped overcompensating for him and the result was that everything in our lives are falling apart now, because he didn't pick up the slack.

Anyone here who can share their experience of being the non-ADHD and if reading the book and doing the non-ADHD partner support group helped them in the long run? And I'm not talking about if it saved your marriage or relationship....I'm talking about for YOU specifically. Did it help you get to a better place for yourself and perhaps a knock on effect was your kids? And creating a better environment for them too? 

I am fearful of bringing up difficult subjects, because it often devolved into explosive tirades.  Also, the weight of being the "capable one" is becoming unbearable.

How to set boundaries when you need rest and your spouse asks you a million questions and has expectations all the time? 

I (35M ADHD) and my husband (35M non-adhd) have been together 10 years, 5 married. 

We have been going through the same issues for years. What do I do differently?

Please Help.