Throughout our relationship, my husband has periodically fallen into periods of extreme personal dysfunction (during which he becomes withdrawn, appears to be growing depressed and behaves increasingly unkindly to me) which culminate in him abandoning his family.
It always looks the same — first, he gets really optimistic about his projects (perhaps a bit grandiose and manic) and things feel very exciting and happy for both of us. He becomes more social, and more romantic and loving. I start to feel like maybe our marriage is finally getting on track.
At some point, his demeanor rapidly darkens. He starts staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. He becomes fixated on a TV show, solo hobby, etc. and stops taking care of himself at even the most basic level. He is unhappy, irritable and argumentative. I walk on eggshells and do my best to hold things together.
I do my best to avoid conflict, but he continuously picks fights. If I haven't done anything wrong, he will do something wrong and then find an angle that makes it my fault. Eventually he snaps and tells me it's over and I need to get out.
In the past, I've taken the kids and gone to live with my mother. When we reconciled last time, I insisted we rent two separate apartments so this cycle wouldn't be so disruptive to me.
Well, it's 5 months after our last reconciliation and here we are again. Rather than kick us out, he's decided he doesn't want to see me or the kids for a few days. There's a 6-week project he was tentatively considering doing out of state next month, and the plan was that if he decided to do it we'd all go together and stay in a short term rental. Suddenly he wants to go alone.
We just got approved for a 12-month lease on two new apartments. We need to sign this week or forfeit a $1000 holding deposit. I feel like this isn't a coincidence; my husband doesn't handle stress well and I think this is the straw breaking the camel's back.
I realize this is a terrible situation and I'm not sure I can keep trying to hold a marriage together with someone who keeps dipping out. This cycle has repeated enough now that I recognize that it's not within my control to fix it.
My question: have any of you experienced anything like this? Is this an ADHD thing? Could it be a bipolar thing? I'm trying to understand what I'm up against.
