The ADHD mind wanders…a lot! It comes upon something interesting and off it goes, exploring it! And conversations often meander, too. I had one man with ADHD tell me that he ‘liked to talk about things in the same way that a movie unfolds – with overlapping plot lines.’ His ‘straight-line-from-point-A-to-point-B’ wife was completely fed up!
Having a mind (and conversational style) that meanders takes time. It doesn’t arrive at its landing point in the fastest possible way. Yet wandering is not an indication that the person is broken or doesn’t have a valid point of view. It’s just stylistic. Furthermore, that meandering can bring really interesting ideas…if you only have the patience to follow the journey.
Note to non-ADHD partners: it’s my experience that non-ADHD partners may not understand WHY the ideas brought in by mental exploration and meandering are interesting at the time…in my own case, my own desire to ‘get things done so I could move on’ (i.e. impatience) got in the way of appreciating the twists and turns of my ADHD family members’ minds. It was not until my kids were a bit older and I could start to slow down more that I could enjoy these ‘journeys’ with my family members more.
So here’s the kicker. If you slow down and learn to enjoy the journey simply because your partner is taking you on it, three things can happen: your partner starts to open up to you more often; your partner starts to feel more appreciated and happy; and you actually start to enjoy yourself because you and your partner are sharing more deeply. You become more connected.
Intrigued? What could you start doing to ‘enjoy the journey’ more?
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. Next live session begins October 10th.