Changing the Ending

ADHD & Marriage News - September 23, 2021

Quote of the Week

Starting Where You Are

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

- C.S. Lewis

Changing the Ending

My emails end with a quote that I created many years ago:

There is no such thing as ‘do over’ in a marriage.  There is only ‘do better.’

As much as we might like to go back and change our past in general…or even a specific decision we made, we simply can’t. Furthermore, we cannot change our partner’s behaviors, either in the past or in the present. We can only control our own behaviors today and tomorrow.

It can be hard to learn this lesson. Really hard. But the past is the past. Do you let it leak into your present, too?

It makes sense to grieve what you have in your past together, and sometimes couples can benefit by grieving together. Acknowledge that grief, then seek ways to heal – with forgiveness, behavior changes today, and more. With time, you should be able to accept where you are, and start working on ‘changing your ending’ for the better.

I have had the honor to have seen many, many couples change what seemed like an inevitable ending, even as some couples are not be able to do so. It starts with acceptance of where you are, an assessment of where you wish to be, and taking a path from one to the other.

What things are you doing – specifically – to change your ending? 



STARTING OCTOBER 14 - Emotions and triggers course - How do you calm emotions that get quickly out of control?  How do you keep a partner engaged when triggers lead to avoidance and escape?  Don't be held hostage by emotions and triggers.

STARTING OCTOBER 20TH - Need help in your ADHD impacted relationship? The ADHD Effect 8-session live Couples' Seminar has helped many, many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. Registration OPEN! Repair your marriage & learn to thrive now! 

The ADHD Effect is Healthline’s pick for the 10 Best ADHD Books of 2021

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. can literally change your life! 


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS October 20, 2021. Registration is now open.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

© 2021 Melissa Orlov