“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
- C.S. Lewis
Changing the Ending
My emails end with a quote that I created many years ago:
There is no such thing as ‘do over’ in a marriage. There is only ‘do better.’
As much as we might like to go back and change our past in general…or even a specific decision we made, we simply can’t. Furthermore, we cannot change our partner’s behaviors, either in the past or in the present. We can only control our own behaviors today and tomorrow.
It can be hard to learn this lesson. Really hard. But the past is the past. Do you let it leak into your present, too?
It makes sense to grieve what you have in your past together, and sometimes couples can benefit by grieving together. Acknowledge that grief, then seek ways to heal – with forgiveness, behavior changes today, and more. With time, you should be able to accept where you are, and start working on ‘changing your ending’ for the better.
I have had the honor to have seen many, many couples change what seemed like an inevitable ending, even as some couples are not be able to do so. It starts with acceptance of where you are, an assessment of where you wish to be, and taking a path from one to the other.
What things are you doing – specifically – to change your ending?
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