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by: heisman923 -
Thank you for this perspective. I love my partner and can accept most of the smaller challenges that come with her ADHD, without ignoring my own emotional limits I know trying to “parent”her leads to resentment, and I’ve been working hard to avoid that so I can be a better partner. Where I get stuck—and maybe I’m wrong here—is that she knows she has areas to work on, like being more mindful with money, but does nothing beyond expressing shame. I can’t control or change her, and I...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: c ur self -
I have read here for almost 12 years, (just divorced my ADD wife of 17 years) and I can't begin to tell you how rare your attitude (as it relates to your understanding of your husbands day to day reality) is...Therapist take your side easily because they aren't there in your home observing the interaction attempts, and both spouses deserve their total respect...(regardless of ADD)...Usually the non ADD spouse is the angry one...lol...I will give you some simple tips...Always love and respect your...>>> on Forum topic - Where to Start
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by: c ur self -
The main thing to remember here is: what ever you decide, keep a calm loving attitude, in order to protect your marriage relationship at all costs...It's real easy to get advice on this site...Many of us have been through the trails of life w/ the mind type you are dealing with...But, respect and kindness has to be number 1 priority!, even if you can't speak into this issue at all...One great blessing you have is her spirit, shame, remorse and seeking help/accountability vs defiant, blaming and...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: heisman923 -
Thank you for the response. So technically, she’s spending her own money which is funded by our joint funds. Both our paychecks go into the joint account so we can pay for rent, bills, groceries, etc. So I don’t care how she spends that money because it’s hers and she should have the freedom to do whatever she wants with it. I’m concerned that the balance will continue to grow. The more it grows, the more ashamed she will feel. And here in the US, I’m pretty sure that any...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: heisman923 -
Thank you for the thoughtful comments. We live in the US. She knows she struggles with this (which I’m lucky; she could be completely in denial), so maybe she’ll be receptive to using a debit card only.>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: Swedish coast -
It might be very expensive to let her figure this out for herself. I think cutting her ability to spend by restricted accounts and no credit is the way to go. Even if she has a diagnosis, it can’t excuse reckless spending of your joint resources. Don’t accept it.>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: honestly -
Actively controlling her spending risks, well, being controlling. One possibility would be her to agree to not having a credit card (in the uk where I live this is fairly common practice) and a bank account that will not allow her to go overdrawn, if such things exist where you live. They do here, but some countries are more debtogenic than others. I think this is a major part of the problem- a hundred years ago someone with ADHD just couldn’t accrue this kind of debt. She would need to actively agree...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: Confused Sheep -
Thank you to all the comments. It already helps to see that I am not alone in the situation. I have not yet made my mind up but currently it does feel like the point of no return. I will wait a couple of days and decide whether I still want to fight for this or not. But thank you for showing me that I'm not nuts...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
this thread started with Confused Sheep asking for insight about maybe being mistreated by ADHD spouse, the deflection and blame, and then using young kids as weapons. this has been my world for much longer than i realized. to cope, i try to find empathy in small things: like for example other day 11yr old ADHD wakes up 5am and says he can't sleep (he has always had inability to settle his body, hyperactive) so i ask him to try to fall back asleep or else turn on TV "quietly" and not...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: Swedish coast -
It is the exact reason I avoid my ex now to the point of never wanting to see him again. The repeatedly trying to hurt someone as much as possible when you’re angry is perhaps normal for my severe ADD ex (and certain family members of his). But it sure isn’t for me. I will never accept that kind of behavior towards me again.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’ve never known how to pick apart what counts as neurodivergence and what’s straightup mean, selfish and rude. I think our experience has to count, even though they spend so much time dismissing it as unimportant or unfair. So if we experience what they call ADHD as them being horrible, that’s valid. It is them being horrible. We can’t just accept that ADHD diagnosis is a license to treat us like something they stepped in.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
also "outbursts" and "trying to hurt me as much as possible" same experience here, and there are these beautiful young children where i am doing the work: night wakes, meals, only earner, most of cooking and organizing, school drops etc. are we compensating for just ADHD, is lack of effort ADHD? is blaming ADHD? might be another layer to consider?>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
Hi, I was almost in this exact circumstance few years ago - diagnosed ADHD wife and 2 of 3 kids diagnosed below age 12. we tried couples therapy, ADHD therapy, reading all the books on child and marriage ADHD. But in the end she never tried or admitted she had any role and blamed on me her own behaviors. Small example, (but was a regular theme): she forgot it was her turn for dinner for the 5 of us and after kids sports we stop at fancy grocery store and we agree she will get...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’m really touched by you saying that. it’s a work in progress and I am very much in a transitional state, but the difference now is that the transition feels very much for the better>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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