Are you an ADHD partner who has trouble consistently following your treatment? If so, you wouldn't be alone. But not remembering to take your meds has a bigger impact than you might imagine. Here is how one man describes his on again / off again relationship with meds and my thoughts about how to become more consistent while also improving his relationship with his wife:
I often say that though people are quick to label those with ADHD as “lazy” because they often have trouble following up on commitments, my experience is that almost everyone with whom I come into contact with ADHD is a VERY hard worker. Some of that work (organizing the disorganized mind, for example) goes on inside, and so is hidden from view most of the time. Diligence and a willingness to try, yet again, are traits that some non-ADHD spouses say they love about their ADHD partners:
When you have ADHD in your relationship it’s a great thing to be able to LAUGH! And exactly that’s what a number of non-ADHD spouses say they love about their ADHD partner. Here are some examples:
One of the things I love about my own spouse is his empathy, generosity and warmth. Is this related to his ADHD? I’m not sure, though I do observe that if they don’t have specific anger issues, many of ADHD spouses I work with have very generous spirits. Sometimes they act on that generosity in a way that warms others…sometimes they don’t…which makes them pretty much like the non-ADHD around us. Regardless, generosity of spirit, if you spouse possesses it, is something to celebrate. Here is “what I love about my ADHD spouse” part 2:
As part of ADHD Awareness Week I’m writing a daily series about what partners say they love about their spouse with ADHD. These are collected from participants in my current couples class, from those at this site, and from my own experience. I hope you’ll join the conversation, or at least spend some time this week showing appreciation for the things you enjoy. (We spend too much time thinking about the things we don’t enjoy!) So, here’s “love letter” #1…
Once again, my husband and I are at odds over phones. But how we’ve resolved it this time is illustrative of one good way to get past having legitimately conflicting objectives. The phone issue remains outstanding (for now) but I’m actually happy. Years ago, in our “old relationship”, this situation would have caused a huge amount of conflict and pain. Here’s how we now avoid that…
October 16-22 is ADHD Awareness Week and I would like to post one great thing that you love about your own ADHD or your spouse's ADHD every day that week. Even if you are unhappy with the way your relationship is currently going, there is likely at least ONE positive thing you can come up with!
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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