ADHD and Marriage Blog

Feeling Alone and Hopeless in an ADHD Relationship

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/13/2007.

I was moved by this recently posted comment:

"So much good advice but how do I get my husband to read with me or even try?
I am so alone and I honestly don't know where to turn. I can't leave due to finances and no where to go. I don't know if it would be right to call an abuse hotline, because he is just verbally abusive.
Learning more about the ADD mind is helping a little. Just no where to turn."

First, you are not alone!  There are many, many people out there who are in the same situation that you are in – feeling isolated in a relationship affected by ADHD, feeling as if they somehow didn’t get what they had bargained for in their marriage – that it all has been an ugly surprise.

ADHD and Marriage: Stop Resisting Learning About ADHD

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/13/2007.

To those struggling in a marriage that may be affected by ADHD, this may sound counterintuitive:  Determining whether or not a spouse has ADHD is a very good thing.  In fact, there is no negative side at all.  I broach this subject because a number of people have written comments suggesting that they believe that their spouse has ADHD, yet he is resisting getting a diagnosis (I use “he” here for simplicity – it could just as easily be “she”.)

Anger and ADHD Relationships: There Are Options

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/07/2007.

I was reminded the other day of one of the most frustrating things about relationships where one spouse is ADHD and the other is not – that is the feeling that you are experiencing the same problems over and over and over again (and again)!  Breaking out of this cycle – which is very exasperating for all – is critical to building a better relationship.  Attitude, believe it or not, and specific communication skills, are the key to moving forward.

The Importance of "Now and Not Now" in ADHD Marriages

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/26/2007.

Dr. Hallowell often states in his speeches that people with ADHD have only two concepts of  time – “now” and “not now”.  How true that is!  If a project or idea is in front of a person with ADHD it gets done now…or, if not now, then perhaps never!  This trait has plusses and minuses in the ADHD marriage.

When Both Spouses Have ADHD

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/25/2007.

Two people have commented that they are in couples where both spouses have ADHD and that they find this very difficult.  I would like to address this a bit here...

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Anger

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/23/2007.

Those who wish to get a broader introduction to Steven Stosny's knowledge about anger can go to his website (at the link in this sentence).  While the purpose of the website is to promote his courses, he writes well about the effect of anger on health and anger at children, among other things.

Anger and Resentment Key Issue in ADHD Marriages

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/23/2007.

It may well be that anger management in marriages where one or both spouses has ADHD is THE critical issue that determines whether or not a couple can be happy together.  Anger can develop in both partners, though it often manifests itself differently in the two.  This is a topic that is so large that it needs to be addressed in many different ways, but let me start here with an example of a couple I've written about before, whom I'm calling Anne and Tom. 

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