Your mindset can make all the difference when you are in a relationship with an ADHD partner.
I want to share a note from the spouse of an ADHD partner who, after discovering ADHD was a factor in his crumbling marriage, decided to try to be more open to his wife's 'way of being' and experiences.
A writer in this forum just posted about how important it is to remember the good in our partners. I re-post her thoughts here as well as add my own. I encourage you all to stop and take a moment to post something in this thread that is good about your partner - ADHD or not. Okay, so here is the post that moved me:
“I think my partner has ADHD – he shows all the classic symptoms. How do I approach him with this without making him angry?” This is a great question and I applaud any spouse who is sensitive enough to be asking it. Some specific ideas and hints follow.
October 16-22 is ADHD Awareness Week and I would like to post one great thing that you love about your own ADHD or your spouse's ADHD every day that week. Even if you are unhappy with the way your relationship is currently going, there is likely at least ONE positive thing you can come up with!
There is a very interesting conversation going on around my “Learning to Like Yourself Again” post of 7/30/09. A number of readers relate their stories about the relief they have felt as they have started to “become themselves” again and let go of some of their struggle. The question for some, though, is “how do I rekindle the warmth/affection in my own heart for my spouse?”
If you are in a marital crisis, do you say anything about it to your kids? While the answer to this question is extremely personal, I think there are some rules of thumb. Some of these are based in my personal feelings about how you foster trust in relationships, including the parent/child relationship. I would love to hear what you think and your own approaches.
I was just reading a post in the forum area from a woman sharing her experiences with how much using the word AND has improved her life with her sons and husband. I thought it was an interesting and positive idea that more would like to read about, so I link to it here.
One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes. Dr. Hallowell discusses why getting help might bring about the changes you and your partner need.
Effectively communicating with your spouse often seems like hard work - pushing the proverbial rock up the hill. Have you ever stopped to consider the role that your everyday responses play in how smooth - or rocky - that communication is?
I was reminded the other day of one of the most frustrating things about relationships where one spouse is ADHD and the other is not – that is the feeling that you are experiencing the same problems over and over and over again (and again)! Breaking out of this cycle – which is very exasperating for all – is critical to building a better relationship. Attitude, believe it or not, and specific communication skills, are the key to moving forward.