Guys, help. Anyone else have some practical or experienced suggestions on how to deal with multiple neuro diverse-ness in the same house?
I got an 11 year old with a potential autism diagnosis (but I can clearly see how his dad's behaviour over the years has affected him) and a 48 year old husband with an adhd dx but its totally unmanaged and pretty much dictates how the house goes. And my husband behaves like a teenager. On top of it all, we have a lovely dog but is having behaviour problems whoch takes work...but I seem to be the only one who is taking it on. Its overwhelming.
If I totally honest, if I had the guts I'd kick my husband out. I'm so done with his choices, behaviour and excuses. I'm sure he's working hard but he works hard to please others and exhausts himself. Every. Single. Day. And then I'm expected to just keep going. I know its gonna break me soon and I'm worried about myself.
Comments
I’m sorry.
I think you may have identified the one thing that will help.
My kids are also neurodiverse tho ndx, (q. autism, inattentive adhd) and my dog is a nervous rescue who barks her head off when stressed.
We split. Things are so much easier. For me and for the kids. And, for that matter, the dog.
Splitting
Splitting was my only solve too. Much like honestly, things improved for ALL of us after the split. Being a single mom is hard, but easier than managing the daily ADHD extras of someone else's uncontrolled messes, moods and lack of accountability on top of already doing everything else. My ex was happier living life on his terms with limited responsibilities too. Our daughter was happier because his ADHD behaviour affected her almost as much as it did me and two happy separated parents served her better than two together miserable parents. My life is still really hard, but I can put all my energy into my wellbeing, my daughter's wellbeing and my career without losing the majority of my health and capacity to someone else's unmanaged condition.
I'm sorry you're on the verge of breaking. Been there and it's awful. Hugs hugs hugs - there are people out here who know exactly what you're going through even if no one around you sees or understands it.
I’m worried about you too
Having now experienced how tough the time after splitting has been, I wonder if the marriage was allowed to drag on too long. I loved my ex and wanted to give the marriage all I could, but it would probably have been better for my health not to.
In or out of the relationship, we’ll still need to face all the coming days. Like Melody said, life can still be hard.
I had an awakening soon before divorce, speaking to a neighbor who had emergencies in her family. One of the children’s grandparents had developed dementia and was now abusing their elderly partner, who immediately needed to be removed from their home in another country. The same month, another grandparent had fractured a hip and their dog needed to be taken care of. And one child was suffering from depression and didn’t want to go to school. She and her husband needed to be there for everyone. I saw it so clearly then: depleted by my marriage, I had nothing extra. When there would be family emergencies, I wouldn’t be able to handle them.
Do you still sleep well? Are you able to relax fully at least sometimes? Are there good days where you can still feel happiness?
Please take care. You are irreplaceable.