Sorry, everyone. I wish I could report more happiness 1,5 years after ADD divorce, but it’s still hard.
How does one rebuild social life after having lost confidence? 15+ years of ADD-associated shame and avoidance, and hundreds of attempts at connection with people who seemed slightly uncomfortable, probably smelling misery, have eroded me. There are very few invitations. How do you find common ground with others when your life has been thwarted by an ADD partner?
He had depression and magnificent social anxiety but also hid it effectively from everyone. Only I knew the shameful truth of our life: together we were socially helpless, and other people took advantage of it to hurt me. It’s changed me from who I was.
I’m afraid of everything socially now. Of being too nice and seeming desperate. Of being boastful by mistake. Of boring somebody. Of not being able to listen well enough and ask the right follow up questions. Of being hurt.
At work it’s the same thing. I’ve been there ten years and have enjoyed many good moments with people, but also felt a lot of dread. Of being disliked, or dismissed in hierarchies I don’t quite understand. Many colleagues are friends outside work and for me that has always seemed impossible. Like I’m encapsulated in my strange predicament. I fail to imagine what life is to others, and they can’t understand me.
For many years, the only people I’ve been able to see privately have been close personal friends.
Possibly the social insecurity is the worst residue of my marriage.
Does anyone else feel like this?
