Recent forum posts (all topics)

My wife has had problems with thinking before she says things.  Sometimes, it involves offering something before thinking of the consequences or of the need to ask me if she can make the offer--"Sure, we'll make a whole batch of homebrew for you" or "Why don't you stay in our hotel room with us during our family vacation?"  Or things that put us in difficult situations, like telling saying something about someone that I had told her in confidence right in front of them.

Hello my lovely people! 

Hi. I've been reading this forum for awhile. Finally decided to register and submit a post. Like many others it seems, I am at my wit's end. Please forgive what follows.

Hi,

Non-ADHD spouse dumping a wall of text here, but I really need to vent.

I've been together with my wife for 5 years now, we had a very passionate and short courting, we quickly moved in together and we were inseparable. Within about a year she became pregnant. It was unplanned but we were happy about it.

I had noticed some things about her, she wasn't very good with money. She made a lot of impulse purchases, she couldn't plan meals or cook. But I chalked that up to her having a kind of crappy upbringing and something we could work on.

What level of our actions are by choice vs an inability?.....How fixed is human behavior?....What purpose does emotion play (act, react) in the over all scheme of human molding?....Does it help or hurt? Is it wasted energy? Or, do you feel it's productive?? What does society and our own relationships, tell us about the ability or inability for change (not considering spiritual enlightenment) with in a human mind??

Should every thing said or done that is not sought or heard.... Stop!

Hello, just curious if anyone else has run into this issue.  I'm currently living in the UK - so using the NHS to help diagnose my husband. We got lucky and got an appointment with a psychologist within six months and he did an intake on my husband.  I wrote up a two page paper of his symptoms and how this has caused problems in our life.  At the end the therapist said that my husband had the symptoms, BUT: He didn't figet or pace the floor when the therapist was talking to him.

For several years, I have suspected that my wife may have high-functioning Borderline Personality Disorder.  She has an official diagnosis of Bipolar II and is taking mood stabilizers--but not at the dosage that the psychiatrist recommends.

Recently, our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD.  I started reading some information on ADHD in marriages and suspected that some of the negative behavior might be ADHD rather than BPD.

Here are some types of behavior:

Must the "grown up" adult always tolerate and be patient, and never express anger?  Or even HAVE any anger?

....I find that there's a rather extensive therapeutic literature about this question.  

My story is like so many others on here. ADHD spouse who is unreliable, lies, is a financial mess and never takes responsibility for his actions.

The most recent is that he drove our car for a year with an expired license and no insurance. WHY?! Because he missed an appointment to go to the next level with his license and he needed to start over so he instead just kept driving our children every day for a year. Till the police pulled him over for an expired sticker and he was discovered to also not have a proper license or insurance.

I want to say to H, "You garner for yourself nice things.  Then you don't take care of your things.  Once you have acquired them, you let them rust and pile up with your other things in dirty hoarding piles.  It is what you did to me.  Once you got me, you ignored me.  I would say our relationship needed some attention but you would call me names for letting you know the marriage needed maintenance (as tho I was trying to tell you to do something you did not want to do and no one is going to tell you what to do).